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Welcome to the Peculiar Flavor Roundup!
This past week marked the first birthday of Peculiar Flavor, the blog that brings you rejected flavor text from some of your “favorite” Magic cards. The most recent posts on the blog feature some of the audience’s most popular flavor text from year one. But that… is NOT what this Peculiar Flavor Roundup is about. As a special treat, I’ll be posting the very worst (stupidest, least funny, take your pick) flavor text I’ve ever written, unpublished even on the blog, until now. That’s right, this week, you’re getting never-before-seen rejected flavor text that was so rejected, it didn’t even make the cut with the other rejects. Of course, a special thanks goes to The Mana Pool for hosting year one of Peculiar Flavor. Enjoy! Or cringe. Or both!
On this Roundup: Pack Hunt, Fellwar Stone, Breezekeeper, Gemstone Mine, Shallow Graves, Sunpetal Grove, and Maro!
Pack Hunt:
“Oh, that’s good to know. So since I don’t even see one, that must mean there’s no diversion, and I’m perfectly safe from-AAAAAUGH!”
Fellwar Stone:
“Uh, with an attitude like that, I’d say: friends.” –Terence, the Sarcaster
[Note: this was actually the very first Terence the Sarcaster flavor text I ever wrote. It wasn’t very funny, but I decided I liked the character.]
Breezekeeper:
“He smears a ketchup stain on his shirt and languishes in a cloud of filth” –“Song of the Slovenly Being”
Gemstone Mine:
“Unfortunately I had my lawyer look over it and it’s not actually a legally binding deed to a gemstone mine. On the plus side, I’m now the proud owner of a prop from a daytime soap opera.”
Shallow Grave:
“We all know shallow graves harbor zombies, but what about deep graves… I mean really deep? What if the reason petroleum oil moves cars is because liquified zombie dinosaurs are looking for brains in the engine?” -Dr. Krebit Boygen, Absolute Quack Lecture Series, Tolarian Academy
Sunpetal Grove:
The Georgia O’Keefe exhibition was protested by several family values organizations, but it only seemed to increase attendance.
Maro:
“No two what? Eyes? If no two eyes see the same Maro, he must be pretty goofy looking.”
Is there a card you’d like to see infused with a Peculiar Flavor? Request it!