Welcome to the Peculiar Flavor Roundup!
Every day at Peculiar Flavor, we bring you rejected flavor text from some of your “favorite” Magic cards. Whether it’s a visual joke, an absurd one-liner, or a response to the real flavor text, it’s guaranteed to make you laugh.* Each Monday on the Roundup, you’ll get to see a few of last week’s, ah… best entries.
On this Roundup: Juggernaut, Nessian Asp, Coercion, and Royal Decree!
The Memorial Day parade organizers probably should have disqualified the float when it showed up blistering with metal spikes, a mistake they realized only as its massive bulk careened out of control on the downhill portion of the route.
Fortunately, only two of the fangs are poisonous. Unfortunately, each head got one of them, so you’re still pretty screwed either way.
“CUBIC ZIRCONIA, Greven?! Does our marriage mean so little to you that you couldn’t even shell out for the real thing?” –Volrath
“Hey, so I’m going to need another one of those parchments with that whole decree thingy on it. I, uh, kind of sneezed on the last one and the words got smudged from all the snot…”
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*Guarantee only applies to smart, good-looking people that are cool and good at stuff