Welcome to the Peculiar Flavor Roundup!
Every day at Peculiar Flavor, we bring you rejected flavor text from some of your “favorite” Magic cards. Whether it’s a visual joke, an absurd one-liner, or a response to the real flavor text, it’s guaranteed to make you laugh.* Each Monday on the Roundup, you’ll get to see a few of last week’s, ah… best entries.
On this Roundup: Plated Rootwalla, Detonate, Skyward Eye Prophets, and Amulet of Quoz!
“This porridge is too cold,” said Chandra. “And this porridge is even colder. And this last porridge is still not right.” So Chandra set fire to all three bowls of porridge, then proceeded to burn the bears’ home to the ground. Chandra lived happily ever after. The bears eventually died of exposure. —Zendikar children’s story
“You’ve really got to hand it to the goblins: When they say their hand sanitizer kills 100% of germs, they really mean it.”
On Bant, pin the tail on the donkey is a team game.
“So, I paid you $10,000 to design an amulet capturing the serene beauty of my bride to be, and what you gave me was the free toy from a box of breakfast cereal.”
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*Guarantee only applies to smart, good-looking people that are cool and good at stuff