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Peculiar Flavor Roundup – Bortle fir Zandurker!

Welcome to the Peculiar Flavor Roundup!

Every day at Peculiar Flavor, we bring you rejected flavor text from some of your “favorite” Magic cards. Whether it’s a visual joke, an absurd one-liner, or a response to the real flavor text, it’s guaranteed to make you laugh.* Each Monday on the Roundup, you’ll get to see a few of last week’s, ah… best entries.

On this Roundup, to celebrate the release of the full Battle for Zendikar set list: Barrage Tyrant, Ally Encampment, Horribly Awry, Endless One, and Shrine of the Forsaken Gods!


Barrage Tyrant Barrage Tyrant:

“Poor command of his fastball and not much movement on the slider, but opposing batters have a tendency to be murdered and consumed by that ‘ball’ he throws, so he’s a first round draft pick, for sure.”









Ally EncampmentAlly Encampment:

In the newly invented game of Zendikari tug of war, the “winner” gets their hut crushed by a toppled hedron. For some reason, the game’s creators were having a hard time finding anyone to play.








Horribly AwryHorribly Awry:

So many Zendikaris had taken the cinnamon challenge that, by the time the Eldrazi swept through, none with adequate lung capacity were left to resist.









Endless One

Endless One:

… Except for the definitions of “infinite” found on Urban Dictionary. It definitely does not embody most of those.










Shrine of the Forsaken GodsShrine of the Forsaken Gods:

“Oh, isn’t that cute: They carved me holding a little stick thing,” said Ulamog.
Kozilek buried his face in his palms. “It’s called a ‘scythe,’ you moron.”









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*Guarantee only applies to smart, good-looking people that are cool and good at stuff

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