Welcome to the Peculiar Flavor Roundup!
Every day at Peculiar Flavor, we bring you rejected flavor text from some of your “favorite” Magic cards. Whether it’s a visual joke, an absurd one-liner, or a response to the real flavor text, it’s guaranteed to make you laugh.* Each Monday on the Roundup, you’ll get to see a few of last week’s, ah… best entries.
On this Roundup, to celebrate the release of the full Battle for Zendikar set list: Barrage Tyrant, Ally Encampment, Horribly Awry, Endless One, and Shrine of the Forsaken Gods!
“Poor command of his fastball and not much movement on the slider, but opposing batters have a tendency to be murdered and consumed by that ‘ball’ he throws, so he’s a first round draft pick, for sure.”
In the newly invented game of Zendikari tug of war, the “winner” gets their hut crushed by a toppled hedron. For some reason, the game’s creators were having a hard time finding anyone to play.
So many Zendikaris had taken the cinnamon challenge that, by the time the Eldrazi swept through, none with adequate lung capacity were left to resist.
… Except for the definitions of “infinite” found on Urban Dictionary. It definitely does not embody most of those.
“Oh, isn’t that cute: They carved me holding a little stick thing,” said Ulamog.
Kozilek buried his face in his palms. “It’s called a ‘scythe,’ you moron.”
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*Guarantee only applies to smart, good-looking people that are cool and good at stuff