Extraplanar Augury

The Magic Horoscopes. Our crack team of enlightened planeswalkers reads the motions of the planes through the Blind Eternities to predict the future for the 13 signs of the Magic Zodiac – Timmy, Johnny, Spike, Vorthos, Melvin, Aggro, Control, Combo, Constructed, Limited, Commander, MODO, and that other one. Ophidian. Freakin’ Ophidian.

Extraplanar Augury – Innistrad Horoscopes

Augury of InnistradGreetings, my children.  Welcome to another Extraplanar Augury reading.  Our elite team of enlightened planeswalkers have spent a very long time checking their results, which explains the huge gap in time since our last reading.  These results were surprising to say the least.  While peering through the Blind Eternities, they noticed a plane that has recently become important to the planar harmony.  That plane, rife with problems of the spirit as well as the flesh, is known locally as Innistrad, and it is having a profound effect on the multiverse and all who dwell in it.

Because of all the time spent rechecking the data, we have some amazingly specific information for each of you.  Take heed!  You may think “Surely this is too specific to apply to me” as the very subject of our augury passes you by.  Keep your minds, as well as your eyes, open in the coming days…


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Extraplanar Augury – New Phyrexia Edition

New PhyrexiaGreetings my children. Welcome to another Extraplanar Augury reading. As our team of enlightened planeswalkers began peering into the Blind Eternities to gather data for our readings, they realized something unsettling. One of the younger planes, Mirrodin, was going through a very troubling time as it neared our own plane. After some brief but dangerous journeys to investigate, our planeswalkers discovered the presence of the Phyrexians, the ancient horrors that caused the planar overlay of Rath and Dominaria so long ago. They were in the process of destroying all other life on the plane, converting it to a New Phyrexia. Such a shift in the nature of a plane is going to have serious repercussions on everyone, albeit in different ways depending on your sign. This reading is to prepare you for the effects of New Phyrexia’s sudden influence over the coming days.

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Extraplanar Augury – April 2011

Greetings my children, and welcome to our first horoscope reading. Ordinarily, the motions of the sun, moon, and planets through the constellations would influence your destiny, and we would read these motions and inform you of upcoming events in your life. This is virtually impossible now, as all of you on the different planes of existence have different suns, moons, planets, and constellations.

Through painstaking research and the cooperation of various enlightened planeswalkers, we have discovered that the motions of the planes through the Blind Eternities can also be used to forecast in a similar way. The mathematics involved are much more intense, but the portents that can be gleaned are much more specific because of this.

Studying the Blind Eternities has revealed new multiversal signs whose readings apply across all the planes. At first, we were only aware of 12 signs, a number related to a naturally occuring pattern in the signs of every plane. But in an odd twist of fate, the Eternities have revealed that a 13th sign does exist. Due to an extremely odd geometric happenstance, this 13th sign (Ophidian) only applies to those born on two dates.
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